Question:
“Regarding what you wrote about compatibility, even if the energy is terrible between two people, if they both act maturely and fairly, it doesn’t have to be an absolute disaster, things don’t have to escalate. It seems to me that with the right effort, the worst connection can be as wonderful and productive as the best connection. Do you agree?”
Answer:
I disagree. In a perfect world, things would never escalate and you would be able to forever avoid interpersonal challenges in even the most demanding partnerships. But we don’t live in a perfect world.
In a perfect world war wouldn’t exist either, but war has always been a fact of life and I expect it to continue because evil people will always exist.
Maturity and being fair surely helps two people get along. But innate, extremely adverse energy between two people makes the relationship grueling from the start.
The more challenging the natural energetic connection, personal or business, the harder you have to work at it. If you spend 80% of your energy bolstering your sense of compassion and detachment trying to rise above the native problematic energy of the partnership, you don’t have a wonderful relationship.
My long-term empirical research shows that you can’t transform the inborn energy of a difficult relationship into that of a naturally rewarding relationship.
Again, the natural, unique energy simply exists between the two people from the very beginning of the connection. The compatibility I’m referring to is esoteric and definable through my systems of analysis.
It has nothing to do with how the two people react, or red flag personality issues, or if one steals from or otherwise hurts the other person. Those concerns are an entirely different partnership issue.
Innately Favorable Connections
The inherent energy may be very favorable between two people, but both, for example, may have a tendency, particularly while under pressure, to be fiery and confrontational in communication. For example, one invariably expresses her annoyance about some petty issue and the trouble begins.
Worse, both uncompromisingly refuse to tolerate such behavior from the other and, or deny any wrongdoing completely, compounding the problem and intensifying the discord.
Things don’t have to escalate in a connection that is awful from the start if you both manage to forever grin and bear it (which is doubtful), but you’ll be putting most of your energy toward avoiding disaster instead of enjoyment, or productive gains if it’s a business relationship.
You don’t have to wonder any longer if you’re truly compatible, or if that person has hidden red flag personality issues.
Copyright © 2015 Scott Petullo
One Response
Hello, Scott —
The problems arise after the wedding ceremony. Had he shown his malignant narcissistic tendencies when we were going together, I would have run in the opposite direction. That term has been used by ignorant people in the mental health industry. In reality, narcissism, sociopathy, and borderline personality disorders are all permutations of the same pathology: psychopathy.
Love and Light,
Kathy