In a perfect world, compatibility would be entirely up to you. All you would need is the willingness to get along with your romantic or business partner.
Alas, in the real world, genuine compatibility isn’t a choice. It also has nothing to do with background, race, entertainment and dietary preferences, and political affiliation.
Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word compatible in the following way: “Capable of existing together in harmony.”
While the idea of harmony may be largely subjective, the extremes at either end of the spectrum are easy to identify; you’ve likely experienced that magically rewarding connection with another in which it’s effortless bliss. Alternatively, you’ve probably known someone with whom you share horrible compatibility no matter what you do or say—it’s an uphill battle, all discord and discomfort.
Four Things That Ruin Compatibility
- Personality red flags make harmonious connections impossible. A person possessing extreme emotional immaturity, vanity, arrogance, bias, argumentativeness, domineering tendencies and, or any other problematic subconscious fear or defense will continually repel potential partners, no matter the innate harmony.
Severe fears and, or defenses are, for the most part, ingrained; one can’t simply “rise above” these serious attributes, which are most readily witnessed while the subject is under stress or pressure.
- Innate, challenging rapport between two people wrecks compatibility every time. You have zero control over inborn compatibility, which is compatibility on a soul level, for lack of a better way to describe it. You are born with it and it exists between you and another person before you ever meet. This is reflected in patterns derived from birth data, including full date of birth, time, and location.
Extremes in harmony—rewarding or challenging—are easy to identify once you witness, time after time, the natal patterns symbolizing rapport between couples.
After doing this work professionally since 1997, my view is that this type of compatibility is most important regarding interpersonal harmony.
- Personal timing is either your best friend, or enemy in relation to affinity with another person.
You both may lack serious personality red flags, and enjoy wonderful natal compatibility, but your respective personal timing keeps you apart. Or, you may share numerous timing patterns which serve as the glue for your connection, but when your timing changes, the partnership dissolves.
- A bad attitude mars relationships. This is the only point of the four in this piece that you have full control over. Thus, compatibility is, at most, roughly 25% choice.
Two people may share excellent interpersonal skills, similar levels of agreeableness and outlooks, and a lack of problematic personality traits, yet possess terrible compatibility, in large part due to contrasting natal and timing patterns. The worse the inborn compatibility between two people, the harder they must work to make the relationship tolerable.
Copyright © 2018 Scott Petullo